Subway is a size queen.
It’s a lot to process.
But how do they actually stack up?
Photo: Gerardo Mora / Getty Images for Subway. Design: Eat This, Not That!
To sample the Sidekicks, I visited a Subway in Oklahoma City to try them all.
In reality, though, this pretzel was about 12 inches too much.
The item cost me $3.
Photo: Matt Kirouac, Eat This, Not That!
The look:For some reason, the thing this reminded me of the most was a Slinky.
There’s no discernible butter, and salt is meager.
It’s technically golden-brown, sure, but the lack of warmth was concerning.
Photo: Matt Kirouac, Eat This, Not That!
The taste:This was just straight-up bad.
Honestly, it sounds great.
The taste:For the Dipper that looked the best, it ironically tasted the worst.
Photo: Matt Kirouac, Eat This, Not That!
And by “worst,” I mean it tasted like nothing.
Too dry and too bland, it dries out your mouth without bringing anything to the table.
Those hopes were immediately dashed, though, upon first sight and first bite.
Photo: Matt Kirouac, Eat This, Not That!
This item also cost me $3.
The look:Like the chicken version, the wrap itself looks rather dry and dusty.
And the Baja Chipotle tastes as freaky as it looks.
Photo: Matt Kirouac, Eat This, Not That!
So, I wasn’t expecting to like the Double Cheese Dipper at all.
Like the other Dippers, this one cost me $3.
The look:Aesthetic isn’t the goal here, clearly.
Photo: Matt Kirouac, Eat This, Not That!
With no meat to bulk things up, this Dipper was the flattest and saddest looking of the trio.
It mostly just looked like a rolled up piece of flatbread, with basically nothing inside.
Not the most appetizing snack, and yet…
The taste:…it wasn’t terrible?
Not exactly glowing praise, but next to the previous two Dippers, it’s a huge improvement.
And that’s exactly what this is: a flavorless flatbread wrapped around a healthy amount of cheese.
Rather, it’s just a Cinnabon collaboration that douses a footlong fritter in cinnamon-sugar.
How bad can that be?
The churro cost me $2.
The look:My first thought was, “it’s a churro.”
The taste:For something so straightforward and unimagined, the churro was a rather pleasant surprise.
Proof that footlong snacks needn’t be overcomplicated or fussed with, the simplest item was among the best.
There was no clear “Cinnabon flavor,” as Subway describes (does that just mean…cinnamon?
), but the texture held up remarkably well, exhibiting a fluffy interior against a crispy exterior.
I want to hate it, but I can’t.
The cookie cost me $5.
It looks kinda like grocery store-style cookie cakes, albeit elongated, and it smelled amazing.
Subway isn’t messing around with its footlong cookie, and it shows.
It has the exact taste and texture of a cookie cake, which I love.
It’s loaded with chocolate chips and baked just enough to achieve a warm, gooey, decadent build.
And it’s somehow even better chilled?!
Is this thing a dietician’s nightmare?
But is it also undeniably decadent and delicious?
